I have always felt inferior. I never hang out with other. I have nothing. Anybody else has a good face, a perfect body, and a beautiful mind. But I have nothing. I notice that they have everything, but the only thing I have is emptiness and loneliness.
“Hey why are you always alone?” Out of the blue somebody startled at me.
She is a beautiful girl. She has always outranked everyone in this school. She has a lots of friends. Everybody loves her. Her name is Sabrina. She really took me by surprise. I could just smile right back at her.
“You have a nice smile”! She said again
I finally got home. But as usual, I got nothing to do. I love to write stories but I just save them in ‘my document’. I never send my story to magazine or writing competitors or such.
“Hi! May I?” as if out nowhere Sabrina was before. And before I can finish my line “Of course, you may,” she was there next to me.
“Why don’t you join others?” She inquired.
“I don’t know. Shy I guess. You know.” It took quite a while to reply. “I have no courage to do that”. I continued briefly.
I always read a books. Books on philosophy or other books on wise or famous quotations or stuff. I love somebody who has many talents. So, I have always dreamt about it, that I can be anything. But it is something impossible.
This time my teacher was absent, like always, I went to library to read. Just read. But if I got bored, I would just go home and get a rest and then go to sleep. At the library, I did not realize that Sabrina was behind me and she really surprised me.
“Rani what is that?”She was really curious about the book was I reading.
“A novel”, I said in passing.
“Do you like novel?” She asked again.
“Uh huh, I love fiction, non-fiction novel, writer,…”
“So, who is your favorite writer?” Suddenly she cut me before I could finish my words.
“Lots of them, but particularly for national NH Dini, Andrea Hirata…. and international writer I love Danielle Steel and J.K Rowling. But actually I love bunch of them..
Everybody knows that Sabrina was somebody who had a great personality. She was a perfect girl and had everything. She can do all she liked. Sometimes I felt really envious. I got nothing to be proud of. And sometimes I think that God is not fair to me. Why did God create me like this?
After the lessons was over, Sabrina asked me to come by to her home to make some homeworks together or discuss things. From the first time, I felt not really want to do that, because I didn’t think I would feel uncomfortable there. But finally I could say no to her invitation because for recently she is really nice to me.
On the way, Sabrina wouldn’t stop talking. She talked and talked, and I just listened.
Finally we got there. She went straight to her room and dragged me along behind her. It’s really a big room. I could not deny that she absolutely had a perfect life. She got everything. It made me feel much inferior.
After we had done our homework, Sabrina and I were engaged in a conversation.
“Rani, can I ask you about something private, but you must promise me that you won’t get mad at me…?” Sabrina asked me.
“Why do you never hang out with the others? You just go by alone. Don’t you feel lonely?”
When Sabrina asked that, I didn’t know what to say. I was just quiet a little bit, but finally I answered her. I think she was a nice girl. I could not be like this forever. I must tell everything to her.
“I’m sorry Rani if the question makes you offended. If you do mind, don’t have to answer it,” said Sabrina. She was really sorry asking me that.
“No Sabrina, you don’t have to. Well, somehow I feel so ashamed if I hang out with the others, because I have an ugly face, and my body… it’s not like yours. Basically, I have nothing, but you have everything.” I almost broke into tears.
“No, Rani. You are definitely wrong. You have a sweet face, a nice smile, and a beautiful mind. I know you that you have a good mind. Maybe everybody thinks that I’m a perfect girl. But they’re so wrong to think of that. You know what, last year I got breast cancer. I had to had my breast removed. But thank god I am okay now. From the first time I saw you, I have liked you. I don’t want to join hanging out with the others. But I thought to myself, I could not go on like this. We must live on. Even though I look so perfect but it’s not the truth.” She then paused for a moment.
“Rani, you are the perfect girl. You have everything. People don’t judge you on your appearance, because you never know what they’re feeling. Now I hope you can hang out with the others. You are beautiful no matter what they say! Words can’t bring you down, okay!” Sabrina ended her speech.
“Sabrina, I feel so bad. I remind you about the bad time!” I felt so guilty.
“Oh, Rani. Hush! Don’t worry about that,” she said surprisingly. “Would you like to be my friend? You must promise me that you never look down on yourself anymore.” She Exclaimed.
“Yes, of course! Thank you for giving me a precious lessons in my life!” I thanked her.
“Never let yourself be alone again, okay! If you need something you just come to me. It’d be my pleasure to help you if I can and I will do my best. Now you can have me.” She said sincerely.
After that moment, we both hug each other. Tears overflew my eyes.
In the night, I would recall Sabrina’s story. Even though she lost one thing very valuable in hers, but she is still perfect and a beautiful woman to me. She gave me an inspiration to continue my life and to reach out my dreams.
I’m sorry God that I had the thought that you are unfair to me. You created us in the world as beautiful as possible. Thank you God.
“I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down.
You are beautiful in every single way, words can’t bring you down.
We are beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring us down.
So, don’t you bring me down.” (Beautiful by Christina Aguilera)
Beautiful diterbitkan di majalah ANNIDA edisi No. 10/XIV/1-15 Maret 2005. Dalam rubrik Kisi (Kias Inggris).